Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Shingles

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor looked him over, then asked, "Where?" Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em?"

Monday, March 23, 2009

Signs, Part 4

Signs Seen Here and There, Part 4

  • Seen on a hair-dresser's salon: "Curl up and dye."
  • In Smithfield, Va., there is a packing house by the Ivy Hill Cemetery. Next to the sign for the cemetery is a sign for the packing house that reads "Shipping & Receiving." Many graveside services are probably accompanied by the sounds of squealing hogs.
  • Years ago, a new business moved into suburban Buffalo, NY. The family owns a number of locations in the area named "Amigone Funeral Home"
  • In St. Louis a sign above a gas station reads: "Eat here! Get gas!"
  • On a billboard in the great state of Kentucky was the name of a tattoo parlor with the motto: "Tattoos done while you wait!"
  • Sign at a tire shop: "Re-tire before you go bald!"
  • Seen at a Hardee's restaurant was a sign that said: "Special - Fish and Kid Fry."
  • A garbage disposal company in Vancouver, BC has the motto "Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back."
  • A septic tank company in our town has a billboard that reads: "We want your stinkin' business."
  • At a church located in St. Catharine's, ON, the church sign read: "There are many choices in life, but only two in eternity. Sunday School 9:30, Meeting 10:30."
  • On a restaurant in Myrtle Beach: "Open 365 days a year. Closed Today." And it wasn't a leap year!
  • Sale sign in a camping shop: "Now is the discount of our winter tent (A play on the Shakespearean line "Now is the winter of our discontent")."
  • Sign on a car wash marquee (Denver): "Our vacuums really suck!"
  • From a plumber: "A straight flush is better than a full house."
  • In Tampa, Fl was a now defunct lawn mower sales/service company named "Mow Town."

Thought for the Day

  • What does the vet prescribe for the constipated monkey? A bananema.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Signs, Part 3

Signs Seen Here and There (Part 3)

  • On a local tow truck: "Jesus wants your heart, we just want your tow."

  • From a Galeton, PA septic pumping company: #1 in the #2 business."

  • "On a cul-de-sac where a building on the corner had housed several different businesses, one interesting business was a funeral home. The "Dead End" sign out front obviously had to be changed. The new one read 'No Outlet.'"

  • At a travel agency, the motto was "Please go away."

  • A cesspool repair/maintenance guy has this on his truck: "Your doodoo is my bread and butter."

  • On a radiator shop in Springfield, MO: "The best place in town to take a leak."

  • On a dry cleaner's in Hammonton, NJ: "Satisfaction guaranteed, or your dirt back."

  • On a tire dealership the sign out front says, "Best place in Texas to take a leak."

  • At St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York City's prayer chapel next to the towering cathedral, just outside the door, a small sign: "Talk to God today. He's always there to listen. Prayer Chapel Hours: 9 - 7 Daily." (And after 7pm, who's listening?)

  • Sign on an electric company truck: "Let Us Remove Your Shorts."

Thought for the Day:

  • Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Signs, Part 2

Signs Seen Here and There (Part 2)

  • At a towing company: "We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
  • On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."
  • At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
  • On a taxidermist's window: "We really know our stuff."
  • In a podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."
  • On a house's fence: "Salespeople welcome! Dog food is expensive."
  • At a car dealership: "The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."
  • Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming."
  • In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
  • At the electric company: "We would be de-lighted if you pay your bill. However, if you don't, you will be."
  • In a restaurant window: "Don't stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up."
  • In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
  • At a propane filling station: "Tank heaven for little grills."

Thought for the Day

Any time that things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.

Monday, March 16, 2009

The Four Leaf Clover

Each leaf on the four leaf clover represents one of the following:

The 1st leaf is Hope,
The 2nd is Faith,
The 3rd is Love,
The 4th is Luck.

Tip: Never iron a four-leaf clover, because you don't want to press your luck!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Signs, Part 1

Signs Seen Here and There (Part 1)

On a plumbing company's van: "A flush beats a full house!"
A sign at a little restaurant: "Eat here or we'll both starve!"
In the bathroom of a mom and pop store: "We aim to please, so, you aim too, please."
Sign on a retail store door: "PUSH. If it doesn't open, PULL. If it still doesn't open, WE ARE CLOSED."
On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband 'fixed.'"
Pizza shop slogan: "Seven days without pizza makes one weak."
Another pizza shop slogan: "Buy our pizza. We knead the dough."
At a tire shop in Milwaukee: "Invite us to your next blowout."
On the door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. May we help you pick your nose?"
At a dry cleaner's: "Our Satisfaction Guarantee: We'll refund your money, send you a new one at no charge, close the store and have the manager shot. Would that be satisfactory?"

Thought for the Day

Anything that is good and useful is made of chocolate.