Thursday, July 12, 2007

My Job History

- My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...I couldn't concentrate.
- I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
- After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it, because it was only a so-so job.
- Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.
- I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
- Then I tried to be a chef -- I figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
- I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard.
- My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy. - I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
- Next was a job in a shoe factory - I tried but I just didn't fit in.
- I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
- I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
- I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes, but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.
- So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
- After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.
- My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
- So then I retired...and found out I was perfect for the job!

Author unknown - Edited by Eric Farthing

Pun Liner of the Day

Sign in an electrician's shop: “We will refuse you.”

One Liner of the Day

The longer the title, the less important the job.

Thought for the Day

Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.

Murphy's Laws

Law of Full Employment: An "acceptable" level of employment means that the government economist to whom it is acceptable still has a job.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Marco Polo Discovers Fireworks

WITH APOLOGIES TO, WELL, EVERYONE

When Marco Polo first opened the trade routes to China, he was quite impressed with the people and the ingenious things they made. One invention he especially enjoyed hearing about was the rockets they created. While not quite the fireworks we know today, they did shoot into the air, explode, and make pretty patterns.

Much to Polo's chagrin, however, he could get no one to demonstrate the rockets for him, though everyone made them nearly everywhere he traveled in the country. "No, will not shoot them off here!" each person protested.

Finally, Marco traveled to a series of military bases in the beautiful city of Chu'Lai. Here fireworks were launched off every night, and on Friday evenings people would travel from great distances to launch their homemade rockets in one gigantic display.

"But why here, and nowhere else?" Marco Polo asked his guide.

"Why, honored sir," the guide replied, "everyone knows that we only set off fireworks on the forts of Chu'Lai!"

[JokeMaster, retold by Mark Raymond]
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I join Mark in wishing all Americans a "Happy 231st."